Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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