He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
