in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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