I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize