You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize