I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
