if i died would you start the facebook group?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
