My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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