I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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