i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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