no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
