my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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