On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
