I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
