now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
