Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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