I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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