She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
