I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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