i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
