I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
