Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
