The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize