I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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