Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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