her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
