Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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