when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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