i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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