You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
