Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
