i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize