the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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