I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
