booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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