JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
