He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
