Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
