it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
