I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
