My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize