You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
