i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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