She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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