a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
