Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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