Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
