Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
