First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
