He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
