She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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