i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
