hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
