I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize