Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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