Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize