I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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