I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
