btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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