I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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