fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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