TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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