I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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