sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
