Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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