i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
