You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
