No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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