just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
