What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
