she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
