it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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