I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
