I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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