Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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