if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
