This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
