:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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