me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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