i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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