I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
home. puking in laundry basket.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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