So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
