He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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