He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
