Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
