so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think people are normalizing furries
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize