She is in my trunk
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it because I queefed?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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