:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
