Plan B is the new Plan A
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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