I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
