You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
