Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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