Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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