I wish you could order shots online.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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