Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How naked do you want me to be?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
