he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
