she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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