Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
