my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
