I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
