dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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