i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
