At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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