I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
