Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
