ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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