8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
