When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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