3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
