Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
